Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community

Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community: "social worker Shaya Ostrov calls the “popcorn effect.” During the first two to three years following high-school graduation, 70% to 80% of Orthodox women get married; weddings then peter off. “The system works for a very limited period of time,” says Mr. Ostrov, the author of “The Inner Circle: Seven Gates to Marriage.” Friends of mine compare dating to musical chairs; nobody wants to end up an “old maid,” and so they get engaged, hoping doubts will prove unfounded. “Young women,” notes Sylvia Barack Fishman, professor of contemporary Jewish life at Brandeis University, “are often made to feel that they are damaged goods if they have not married — and married well — by their early 20s.”
Part of the problem is the increased number of “serial daters” who, as Ms. Fishman says, are “shopping for perfection.” When Mr. Ostrov runs workshops, he asks male participants in their early 30s how many girls they have dated. “One hundred seventy-five is not an unusual number,” he says. “Dating” in these cases usually ends after just one or two meetings with each girl.
Many men admit that their refusal to commit themselves to a woman stems from fear of making a mistake. The only thing worse than being an “older single” male, it seems, is being a 25-year-old divorcé with two children. It is women, though, who are usually more stigmatized by a split. Indeed, one big problem in the Orthodox community is the “Post-Shidduch Crisis.”"

Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community

Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community: "Just as the economy is headed to recession, the shidduch system is in crisis mode. Or so the rabbis moan, noting the surplus of women eager to marry and the corresponding shortfall in the quality and quantity of available Jewish men. It’s not that there are more Orthodox women than men out there; experts instead attribute the shortage to the broader sociological trend of postponing marriage, which works to the disadvantage of women looking for spouses their own age or just a few years older. Men who are 30 will date women as young as 18 and may turn their noses up at dating any woman past the age of 25. The 20% or 30% of women who don’t get hitched right away begin to worry they’ll be left out in the cold for good.
Sensing this shift of power, mothers of sons who remain in the matchmaking system increase their demands: Any prospective daughter-in-law must be a size two, or a “learner” son must be supported indefinitely by the girl’s parents. For men, “it’s a buyer’s market,” says Michael Salamon, a psychologist and author of “The Shidduch Crisis: Causes and Cures” (2008). “And the pressures of dating are creating all kinds of social problems, such as eating disorders and anxiety disorders. It’s frightening.”
I used to shrug off this talk. Genocide in Darfur is a crisis; being single at 23 is not. But the communal pressure is hard to ignore. Orthodox Judaism, like most traditional faiths, is geared to families; singles lack a definitive role."

Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community

Vos Iz Neias - (Yiddish:What’s News?) » New York - Wall Street Journal: Shidduch Crises In The Orthodox Community: "Upon returning from post-high-school studies in Israel, young Orthodox women (such as myself) meet with recruiters, commonly known as shadchanim (matchmakers). After determining whether the young woman wishes to marry a “learner” (a man studying full time in yeshiva), an “earner” (a professional) or a combination of the two, the shadchan collects the prospective bride’s “shidduch résumé,” detailing everything from education and career plans to dress size, height, parents’ occupations and synagogue memberships. The shadchan then approaches a suitable single man or, most likely, his parents — who add the woman to their son’s typically lengthy “list.”
Before agreeing to a noncommittal first date, the man’s parents begin a thorough background check that puts government security clearance to shame. Phoning references isn’t enough — of course they’ll say good things — so they cold-call other acquaintances of the potential bride, from camp counselors to college roommates."

Before I Became Frum

Before I Became Frum: "Now that I am frum, if I hear a woman 'eats fish out', I become concerned. Before I became frum everyone use to talk about woman, fish, eating etc. Yet nobody ever cared if a woman 'eats fish out!

Before I became frum I remember all kinds of jokes were all okay. Now that I am frum, I have begun to wonder, is it okay to tell good old fashioned jokes?

Now that I'm frum, shomer negia, is something I have to adhere to. Before I became frum, if you told me about Shomer Negia, I would have asked you, 'is that the holiday several days before Yom Kippor, or is that the holiday sometime around June when we get the Torah?'"

Just something to lighten up things a bit courtesy of: Before I Became Frum

Posted By: The Writers Cafe.org

Today's Daf

What I Learned in Today's Daf

By AhMbDvd



What learned in Today's daf, the daf that wasn't.



Not every learning experience occurs the way one would expect it. For example one could strain their very ability to comprehend simply by seeking to penetrate a matter too deeply.



For example one could get caught up in attempting to find some sort of grand unifying theory which explains how everything in one parsha is connected to everything else: http://thewriterscafe.tripod.com/id34.html, or they can drag us through 14 years of biographical information just to make one point about the Hebrew word for edge http://thewriterscafe.tripod.com/id34.html ultimately it sidetracks both writer and reader.



Today I had about ten minutes to get to the daf.

When things like this occur I head right for the bookshelf to get the Art Scroll gemara, but alas this mornng, it was not there. No big deal I though to myself I have missed the daf before, (never mind that my best hope was to catch the final 5 minutes) and I'll probably miss it again. So I went to plan B, made myself a cup of coffee, said a bracha and gathered up my talit, tefilin and siddur, and proceeded to utilize my 5 minute head start to get my talit, tefilin in place and complete my morning brachas.



Great, so apparently I was not supposed to hear today's daf, even a few minutes of it. So, after my tefilin shel yad was firmly in place I looked down to my tefilin bag to get my shel rosh in place, and then something caught my eye. There was the Artscroll Gemara next to a fellow minion member, the shul usually has one or two copies of each on the shelf. How do you think I felt. I decided I needed to talk to him.



At the proper moment in his davening, indicating the shul's copy of the Art Scroll gemara, I asked him if he attended the daf (knowing full well he probably was not a member of our shul's daf) and his surprised look allowed me to boldly go on. He told me that he attends the daf elsewhere. I told him the time when our daf starts, to which he responded that he had gotten the gemara from the shelf some 20 minutes after our daf started. I told him that I sometimes get to the daf late and look for the gemara on the shelf.



I do not remember the exact exchange that ensued, but I do recall he was being properly apologetic. I responded to him that it was no big deal that I would have only at best caught the last few minutes. We both dropped the topic and continued davening.

Before he left the man pointed out that one of the things I had done may have been a hefsik (interuption) I then explained to him a minhog that I have been following. I went on to explain that I wanted to point out the issue to him before I started daveing. I alluded to the idea that I wanted to daven with a clear head and to not think about the matter.

We shook hands, and I had inquired of his name.

The point of the story, and any parsha tie in:

We intuitively understand how an evil eye is a truly negative thing. Parsha Balak gives an elaborate explanation that really is worth trying to understand on it deepest level.

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http://ratzon.blogspot.com

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What Hashem Wants?

What Hashem Wants?: "Rebbe spoke about this so often that everything cannot be recorded. But what we have quoted here is excellent advice. Follow this path and you will complete many volumes. You will have a better comprehension than one who tries to understand everything the first time. A person who is overly precise can become very confused. Often he will abandon his studies completely and end up with nothing.

Accustom yourself to learn quickly, without too much attention to detail. You will then be worthy of learning in quantity. You will be able to complete the Talmud, the Codes, the Bible, the Midrash, the mystical books of the Zohar, the Kabbalah"

Rebbe Nachman's Way of Studying Torah
Sichos HaRan #76:
(Taken from Anonymous comment)

http://nanach.net/

Free Events Passaic NJ!: Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen

Free Events Passaic NJ!: Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen: "Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen
to celebrate the
Release of the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe
on this special day.
Tuesday night July 15th, 2008 at 8:00 p.m.
104 Howard, Passaic NJ 07055"


http://thewriterscafe.org

http://freefrumevents.blogspot.com

posted by:

Aharon Moshe Sanders

Free Events Passaic NJ!: Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen

Free Events Passaic NJ!: Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen: "Yud-Beis Tammuz Fabrengen
to celebrate the
Release of the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe
on this special day.
Tuesday night July 15th, 2008 at 8:00 p.m.
104 Howard, Passaic NJ 07055"


http://thewriterscafe.org

http://freefrumevents.blogspot.com

posted by:

Aharon Moshe Sanders

Aharon Moshe's Notebook

Aharon Moshe's Notebook

Gimmel Tammuz Fabrengen
to honor the Lubavitcher Rebbe
Sunday July 6th, 2008 at 8:30 pm!
@ Beis Menachem 104 Howard, Passaic NJ 07055 (Corner Park and Howard )
For more info call 973-249-9770

parshat shavua shiurim: Parshas Chukas (Rabbi Sedley)

parshat shavua shiurim: Parshas Chukas (Rabbi Sedley): "This week's Torah reading contains the death of Aharon, the high priest and the brother of Moshe. The Midrash (Tanna d'vei Eliyahu chap. 12) contrasts the Torah's description of the death of Aharon with the description of the death of Moshe. When Aharon dies the Torah says, ' And they wept for Aharon thirty days, the entire house of Israel' (Numbers 20; 29). However at the time of the death of Moshe the Torah says 'The Children of Israel wept for Moshe in the plains of Moav for thirty days' (Deuteronomy 34; 8). There was greater mourning for Aharon ('The entire house...') than for Moshe, because Moshe was the judge, the strict lawgiver, who would reprimand the people for their misconduct. However Aharon's approach was to bring the people close to Torah through showing them love and peace. Aharon's love for"

Follow the link below to Aharon Moshe's Notebook and so more details on Chukas 2008

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